Added: Brittaney Strickland - Date: 16.08.2021 05:48 - Views: 40838 - Clicks: 6431
Negative commentary about single moms is still prevalent, but having a baby without a partner as a single mother by choice might make you the happiest according to science. I knew my fertility window was closing and Mr. Right was decidedly absent. In making the decision, I felt I was giving up on half the dream.
I beat myself up at failing at an aspect of life so prized by society—partnership. I was told by my parents over and over again that I needed to get married. I remember them breathing a sigh of relief when my sister got married. They explained that they felt she was now adequately taken care of.
They could relax a little. But despite the messages many of us received growing up, a recent Pew Research Center survey found that the public is less convinced that marriage and family are the highest priority for society. In contrast, marriage and parenthood rank low: over half of Americans believe that marrying and having children are not very important in order to become an adult.
So, even though the negative commentary about single moms is still prevalent, in fact, my choice to pursue a career as a lawyer, put off partnership and eventually have a baby alone is not so strange or detrimental. In fact, it might just be the smarter choice. As the rate of single motherhood has fallen in recent years, the only demographic that has had an i ncreased rate of single motherhood is that of older women. The birth rate for unmarried mothers peaked in and then began to decline leading to a 14 percent drop by In general, Nonmarital birth rates have fallen in all age groups under 35 since , while at the same time non marital rates increased for women aged 35 and over.
Many studies support the benefits of older motherhood. One such study showed the children of older mothers also had fewer behavioral, social and emotional problems than kids of younger mothers. Other studies showed that older mothers lived longer and had taller, smarter kids. A study comparing the well-being of children growing up in single-mother-by-choice and heterosexual two-parent families found no differences in terms of parent-child relationship or child development.
The key difference between who struggled with behavioral issues as a teenager and those who did not was the presence of one-stable loving parent. A recent study found that people who married enjoyed no better self-esteem than those who stayed in romantic relationships without tying the knot.
And, despite the long-standing belief that those who marry are healthier, new studies show single adults to be healthier. W omen who married gained more weight and drank more than those who stayed single. Many women decide to parent on their own, as a last resort—a Plan B. Yet, not only is it a growing trend — Census data, a record of adults in the U. While, I love having science to back me up, I can also say that having a baby without a partner is the single greatest decision I ever made. I never have to debate child-rearing techniques or suffer through a painful custody battle.
Get my newsletter, discounts and announcements relevant to any stage of the single mom by choice journey. You are subscribed to my mailing list --The Plan C Mama. Enjoy my monthly musings, resources and updates all about navigating and celebrating all paths to motherhood. I'm so excited to be in touch! Why Plan C? Well, motherhood rarely comes the way we hoped or expected. Sometimes we have to move well beyond our original vision. In my case, Plan B was to become a single mother by choice, using an anonymous sperm donor.
I ended up at what I affectionately call Plan C because I needed to use an egg donor as well. Even if your plans didn't work out as we expected psst, it never really does , don't let it stop you from embracing your unique path. As , I was obsessed with babies. If anyone asked me if I wanted kids when I grew up, I would exuberantly respond that I wanted eleven babies I know, right?
I distinctly remember stalking a pregnant mother in my neighborhood, asking if I could care for her child once it was born. She obliged and I spent every day after school at her house. You could basically say that loving babies and kids was my hobby. But somewhere along the way, I lost my conviction and clarity. I went to college and law school, graduated at the top of my class, and got a job at a prestigious law firm during the dot-com boom in Silicon Valley. I was focused on my career and worked insane hours. They spent time on dating sites, went out specifically to meet men, even hired matchmakers.
Soon, they moved on to marriage and began having kids. But I just never found him. However, I was fast approaching 40 and there was still no partner in sight. As I faced the closing of my fertility window, I realized I needed to think about whether or not I truly wanted children I wasn't panicked though. Friends all around me were having babies in their late 30s and 40s.
My own mother had me when she was I thought that, if anything, my generation had proven that having a baby later in life is possible and, in some ways, more desirable. It took me over a year of contemplation to decide to take the leap into solo motherhood. The flip side started to seep in too though: Would life get boring for me if I only had to focus on myself? At some point would I get bored of travel, retreats and dancing?
Already, the last few times I had traveled somewhere exotic, it didn't have the same allure. The intense drive of my spontaneous life was fading. Something else was calling me. I was looking for something And then one day, my teacher said to me, "Have you noticed that you cry every time you talk about not having a baby? And that was a startling realization. But, as I considered the idea of solo mothering, I just kept thinking: This isn't the way I thought my life would unfold!
I had to mourn the life I thought I was meant to have and re-imagine the remainder of my life unfolding an entirely new way. My greatest fear was — Would I be alone forever if I have a baby by myself? Who would want to date a single mom? I was also deeply concerned about financial stability. How would I manage alone — financially, emotionally, logistically? What if I lost my job? My teacher reminded me that nothing in life is ever certain. People who find the love of their life end up divorced, cheated on, and even widowed. Happy couples remain childless due to infertility. No one's "dream life" is promised to them.
And, everyone's job safety is impossible to predict. I could freak out about having a baby alone and miss my chance at becoming a mother, or I could lean into the uncertainty and let the rest of my life unfold as it was meant to. It was truly impossible to predict. Then, one day in meditation, I had a vision of a little girl in a frilly, pink dress riding on a swing on a glorious spring day. In that moment, I knew — I wanted to become a mother more than anything.
All of my indecision vanished in an instant! I was ready. I wanted to be of service in some way, and I realized I wanted to be of service to . Of course, at the time, I had NO idea just how much surrender and sacrifice motherhood would entail!
I researched the logistics and started trying to conceive alone with the use of an Identity-Release donor which is an amazing process, by the way, but that's a story for another day. This was definitely not part of the plan! I finally came to terms with having a baby via egg donation and I have no regrets.
On April 3, my son was born. A beautiful, healthy, amazing son. I have no doubt I got the child I was meant to have. Motherhood is about love, plain and simple Single Moms Are Getting Older As the rate of single motherhood has fallen in recent years, the only demographic that has had an i ncreased rate of single motherhood is that of older women. Kids Need A Stable Loving Parent More Than Any Particular Family Structure A study comparing the well-being of children growing up in single-mother-by-choice and heterosexual two-parent families found no differences in terms of parent-child relationship or child development.
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Growing Visibility of Those Who Are Single Parents By Choice Is Paving the Way for Others Who Want Kids Before Finding a Partner