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Other researchers found that most women do not routinely and some never experience orgasm during sexual intercourse. Women react to the resultant emotional pain by developing a poor self-concept or body image, distrust of their partner and other protective and pseudo-independent defenses that, in turn, predispose alienation in their relationships.
Basically insecure anxious or avoidant attachment patterns they developed in childhood persist into adult life and strongly influence numerous aspects of sexual relating. The list is not meant to exhaust all possible psychological issues; however, in our clinical experience, we have found these to be fundamental and understanding them to be useful in helping women achieve richer, more satisfying sexual lives. They can have self-conscious thoughts about their breasts: Your breasts are small.
Your breasts are misshapen. Or they may have negative thoughts about their genitals. Your vagina is too large. In particular, the genital area becomes imbued with an anal connotation and is confused with excretory functions. When women have negative thoughts about different parts of their bodies they find it difficult to take pleasure in being touched in those specific areas. If they feel critical about their body image in general, it is more difficult for them to fully enjoy sex. Perceiving sex as immoral or bad : Many women have acquired distorted views about sex early in life during the process of socialization.
As a result, people typically grow up viewing some sex acts as acceptable and clean, and others as dirty and bad. In addition, some religions, especially rigid belief systems, perceive sex as an expression of the baser or sinful nature of human beings. When women take on these attitudes, they tend to see sex as forbidden, shameful and bad. They feel guilty about wanting, seeking or experiencing pleasure in lovemaking, and expect negative consequences or actual punishment. Because of these feelings, women are often afraid of standing out from their peers as mature, sexual women.
Fear of arousing repressed sadness: For many women, feelings of sadness related to emotional pain in childhood surface during a sexual experience, especially when sexuality is combined with emotional intimacy. For women who were mistreated or rejected early in life and feel unlovable, the contrast of being loved, pleasured, and sexually fulfilled brings out deep and painful emotional responses. When women try to hold back their sad feelings, they become cut off from themselves, both emotionally and physically, and removed from the sexual interaction.
They experience a heightened awareness of themselves and the value of their lives. Paradoxically, these uniquely positive feelings come with a price—the special appreciation of life makes them aware of deep and painful sadness that their lives are terminal. Combining sex and love le to a sense of vulnerability and is anxiety provoking because many women and men are afraid of being completely committed to a ificant other, especially if they have been ly hurt emotionally.
Fear of arousing repressed memories of abuse and trauma: Being close sexually to a partner and freely experiencing orgasm tend to trigger unwanted memories in women whose histories include sexual abuse or molestation. Estimates are that one out of three to four women were abused sexually or experienced some type of inappropriate sexual contact with a relative or stranger before they were Any similarity between her partner and the family member increases the probability that these memories will emerge.
Fear of loss of control : Women who rely heavily upon maintaining control as a self-protective defense mechanism are prone to be resistive to a freely expressive sexual encounter. This can show up in an overall fear of losing control or in more specific fears, such as fears of making noise or moving, or even fears of urinating or defecating when letting go.
Control is related to existential issues of life and death. Faced with issues of death anxiety, people tend to detach themselves from their animal nature and disconnect from a body that they know is mortal. This dissociation can inhibit feeling pleasurable responses in the here and now interaction during sex.
It also is important that they come to realize that their problems in relating sexually and being close emotionally are not unusual in our culture. This is bull. Stop painting women as afraid of everything. Men fake foreplay. There are many people in this world with varying experiences. Maybe some women are afraid of the things mentioned in this article. Other women are not. I hope you learn to stop pushing your own negative agenda. In the process you are neglecting and disregarding the feelings and realities of many other people.
This is not the bull for me. I had ano intimateless parental model and grew up in a religious background. These are real personal and societal constructs many women deal with. Consider the divorce rate and the amount of people who are born into an oppressive religion toward women. The amount of sexual abuse in the world. I dont think this article is an assault on women. Just felt this needed to be said. This is just a list of 7 from a psychological standpoint. Not always true. Ive never had an issue with orgasms, no matter how they came, oral sex, masterbation, or intercourse and usually fairly quickly.
The mind is more complex than we have control over. Even the strongest women are living from the inner being. Everyone is afraid. I agree with most of these many I can relate to. Maybe understanding the deeper mind will help you be more open to things we live with without really knowing.
Maybe open your mind to the one you care about. If it were me and it was my partner I want to be open to helping him not gaining anything. And I would never call looking deeper into someone weak. The mind is not weak. We are just afraid and ashamed of it. I will say this with certainty everyone have mental health problems. But I will call them a new name.
I will call them survival and healthy. Most health problems are due to deficiencies and inner and outer balance. Everyone has mental problems. Not all of it is physical. I admit that I have never have sex with my husband of 35 years because I remember the sounds of my mother while my father raped her, in my childhood. The mind and the body. And if so, is there a way to help her? The other reason might be focusing on the partner vs the self or expecting the partner to make it happen. The other factor might be women who focus primarily on the needs of their partner versus their own.
For women who are so often thinking of the needs of everyone else around them, it would not surprise me if this mindset enters the bedroom, as well. I think one sexual position favors me…. And since I realized it…. I always want that…. Its food for a woman to know which position and activities favors her. Please answer this for me. My husband of 20 yrs is Narcissistic. He had an affair in and it continued. He told me it was because I could not orgasm. But he also said to me, I started to push you away 5yrs prior. This is true, every time I would try to be intimate with him he push me away and then I just gave up.
So since my husband has not touched me at all. Christ he cannot even hold my hand. Thanks Eileen. Eileen, If your husband really is narcissistic, he likely perceives your lack of satisfaction as a threat that he is not perfect and, therefore, is not able to try or be close or looks elsewhere. But his perfectionism is HIS issue. Everyone is different and, between the two of you, should be able to figure out what works. If he pushed you away in and had an affair in , it sounds like he put your through the discard portion of the narcissistic treadmill.
I have been married for thirty years for about the last six months I have had no interest in sex at all when my husband does get me interested u cannot have an organisms I have tried I have used jel I have concentrated on it , it just will not do it I tried reading those dirty books, watch movies on TV on Cinemax nothing at all I even tried myself when I was alone is there something wrong with me I never ever had trouble in the past.
Im in much the same place as you Kathy. Married 30 yers too I turned 50 this yr but I also take meds as I have medical issues and recently starting anti anxiety meds. Nothing works anymore. In the end I feel crap for my poor hubby trying all manner of foreplay for ages and getting no where. SSRI medications that are commonly used for anxiety and depression treatment have known, documented negative effects on both libido AND genital sensitivity. If you are experiencing a drop in desire, and difficulty reaching orgasm after starting one of those medications, and this is affecting your relationship or general quality of life, please talk to your therapist or doctor that gave you the prescription about trying a different medication that may not affect you in the same way.
There are many medications out there, and their side effects vary a great deal. To whom it may concern my girl are having problem to get orgasm just a little bite some time, what may be the problem? It means that there is a fault in man not in woman. Man do not act as the woman desire and man do not read the woman desire and fulfill it. Okay so I came here looking for the answer to why I stopped when I feel pleasure. Once you find your happy place, it will be so much easier to open yourself up in that way with your ificant other.
When ever I have intercourse it hurts me really bad! As IF mothers sit and talk about their sex life with their daughters, rarely! What on earth wrote this article? Definitely not anyone who knows a single thing about women or psychology either!
I need to add another powerful reason , which is distortion. If a woman has something making her mind busy or make her sad in the background while she indulges in sex out of duty, the expected result is that she will be less responsive and needless to say, unable or refusing to achieve orgasm. Featured Author: Dr. Learn More. About the Author. Robert Firestone, Ph.
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